The Unspoken Load Women Carry In Design
This weekend, I had a conversation that cracked something open. It was with another woman who owns an architectural design firm, and without skipping a beat, we were both nodding along, realizing:
We’re tired. Not from the work but from what comes with the work.
It’s the invisible weight that women in design carry.
Not the structural kind. The emotional kind.
The kind that shows up in phone calls that start with condescension.
In emails that question our expertise before we've even explained our process.
In meetings where someone still asks, “Who are you here with?” as if the idea of us running the show is somehow foreign.
And here's the kicker: If we dared to speak to clients the way some have spoken to us?
We'd be labeled “too much.”
“Hard to work with.”
Or the classic, “a bitch.”
Meanwhile, we’re rewriting emails to avoid sounding “harsh.”
We’re adding an extra exclamation mark or a “Just checking in!” to soften our ask.
We’re doing the professional equivalent of emotional gymnastics just to be taken seriously.
All while being damn good at what we do.
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about wanting gold stars for showing up.
This is about the basic respect every professional deserves regardless of gender.
It’s about being able to lead with clarity and boundaries without being penalized for it.
It’s about making space for assertive women without the whisper campaign behind their backs.
And I know we’re not alone in this.
There are so many talented women out there quietly carrying the same weight. Navigating the same tone-policing. Swallowing the same second-guessing.
So if that’s you?
I see you. I hear you. I am you.
And if they still think you're a “bitch”?
Make her brilliant. Detail-obsessed. Code-compliant.
And absolutely unstoppable.
Want to keep this conversation going?
I’d love to hear from women in the field - whether you’re in design, construction, trades, or any space where you’ve had to shrink to make others comfortable. Let’s talk about it, normalize it, and keep showing up exactly as we are.
xoxo,